Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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