It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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