I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
