i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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