mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
