he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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