i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
