Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
