he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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