Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
