ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
