the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
