I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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