Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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