Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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