If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
