Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who died my cat blue again?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
