I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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