Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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