I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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