he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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