I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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