she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
