Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
