part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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