I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it because I queefed?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
