He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
