so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
