so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
