good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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