I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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