The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
