I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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