I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
