During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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