I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
