i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
