I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
