I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
