If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
