Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
