he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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