..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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