After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
