She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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