to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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