Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
