Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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