I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
