Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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