I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He did a backflip because drugs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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