Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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