Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
