I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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