Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
